Fear Externally Induced – That of The Collective
I sit here in the cocoon stage of my pregnancy preparing for this new soul. I have experienced the growth of both him and I during this conjoined journey and I am honored to be the chosen one for his deliverance. This soul messaged me approximately 2 years ago to the date that he is expected to arrive and sure enough with about 2 weeks to go I found a handful of Mourning Dove feathers whilst cleaning our backyard. And the significance, well, Mourning Doves are maternal birds that like no other produce milk, mating for life, and bearing 2 eggs per brood. Here we see the number 2 very powerfully repeated in support of the feminine aspect, balance, harmony, unity, WHOLENESS, and creating the new through active manifestation. This is the 4th soul I will be honored to usher into this world and 4 being the most Wakan number of my Ancestors, I feel this birth will be magically transforming for my soul. I, of course do not say this in discount to my previous 3 experiences as I honor each and every one for the growth and gifts they each brought forth.
This 4th pregnancy has definitely been a roller coaster from before I was even aware of the fact we were expecting. With the pre knowing being filled with personal health concerns that had me face my fears of mortality to finding out I was pregnant during all the testing. Next it became difficult to organize with whom and where to birth, as we live in one province, though on paper in another. Luckily we were able to work something out and acquired the assistance of midwifery, though we will get back to that…. Then at about 22 weeks or so, I was told that my cervix was short, which means I was potentially at a higher risk for preterm labor. On top of that they also told me that there was a small cyst on the umbilical cord close to the placenta that could potential be a sign of growth issues among many other probable health concerns. About a week later I was sent to the hospital to investigate further, results…no shortened cervix and no cyst. A miracle intervention. The doctor suggested a follow up and if all was well, back to the midwife. At the follow up, all was status quo, though after speaking with another doctor whom suggested another follow up I had to assertively decline, explaining unless they were concerned for my life or babies I was not going to subject my baby to any further ultrasounds and myself to any more unnecessary stress.
SO MUCH FEAR EXTERNALLY INDUCED! From the fear of my own mortality, to that of babies. A test I believe, as Tiger presented himself to me. Tiger comes to me with the lesson of acting with conviction in the face of doubt. An initiation for sure. As we shatter illusions we must be challenged upon recognition in order to truly embody the knowing of FREEDOM through the action upon completion of the initiation. Each layer we dissolve in regards to the illusion of fear brings us closer to TRUTH. This face of fear is not internally mine, though that of the collective. I have been experiencing the fears of the collective and have had to internalize them and then transmute them to that which is LIGHT, this is one of the gifts of Snake Medicine. The conviction lies in not getting caught up in the external induced fear and allowing fear’s twin, doubt, to cloud my knowing.
Having enjoyed my previous homebirth, as difficult as she was, presenting a life threatening complication, that experience was still intimate and empowering. I cherished the choice to be able to offer delieverance to a new soul in a natural and welcoming environment, which was protective in preventing outside energies the opportunity of influence to this new soul upon entry to Mother Earth. Therefore, I had hoped to have baby number 4 at home and as I explained previously, living arrangements complicated this happening. So, now I have 2 midwives that are really nice, though I must admit don’t seem too confident and reassuring, qualities that prove to be a necessity and the plan is to deliver at a birthing center. And to top it off, the fear induced externally continues….because now the concern is with the possible repeat of the life threatening issue we had with my daughter, shoulder dystocia, which was most likely caused by the manipulation of her head during labor.
I am seeing Tiger, ushering me to make a choice of my own, and a bold one at that. Rabbit visited my dream travels recently as well, messaging me to release limiting fears, make choices upon clarity and depend on Grandmother Moon for guidance, support, and protection. I have had a dream as well as Oscar (my twin flame) in regards to the deliverance of this soul. Self belief and trust in the WHOLE is what has and will continue to guide me through this metamorphosis. Conception representing the egg stage, caterpillar was the time for nourishment, lessons, teachings, and sharing and now the cocoon stage, awaiting emergence. In the stillness and darkness of the cocoon our souls communicate intimately in preparation for his arrival – to then enter the stage of the butterfly, both him and I, complete metamorphosis.
In conclusion, I have accepted the conjoined vision of Oscar, myself and this unearthed soul and will deliver him in honor of this vision, setting aside all fear externally induced, and transmuting the collective fear to that which is LIGHT.
I have received the vision and so be it!